“I’m Sorry”
The words disabled people hear nearly everyday, I’m sure.
This weekend has been one of fun and adventure for Robin & myself. Most definitely nothing to be sorry about.
On Saturday, we went shopping for a pair of shoes for myself. This turned out to be a fruitless task but that wasn’t the thing that annoyed me the most. I will admit it is an inconvenience to have such big feet (size 8 eee width) so I’m usually prepared for some disappointment with the lack of selection available. However, we tried to make light of this and just have fun looking at some truly hideous shoes in every shop we visited.
I’ve also come to expect getting stuck or trapped somehow in narrow aisle because of badly placed baskets or immovable furniture. We are taking bets on when I’m going to have to call the fire service to come and rescue me. (That day is getting closer, I’m sure)
Sunday saw us having a trundle around York as we collected our youngest daughter from university to bring her home for a week.
Robin is used to my daredevil attitude in my powered chair now but for Nadia it’s still a learning process. She panics when she can’t find me because I’m not in the place she last saw me. I’m like, “keep up child, I have wheels and I’m going to use them!”
We had fun negotiating the cobbled pavements and narrow pathways around the city and discovering that the combination of steep cambers, wet leaves and gravity can make my trajectory unpredictable!
So where does “I’m sorry” come in to all this? And why has it annoyed me so much?
It’s the one phrase I heard over and over again from everyone I encountered.
Why? Why are you sorry? What have you done? All these questions go through my mind when I’m told “I’m sorry”
Why are people apologising to me? Could it be because they are walking around looking at only their mobile phone and walk into me because they’ve not looked up? Possibly, I do try and steer away from those using phones while walking, sometimes I just stop because I can’t predict where they will go next or it’s not safe for me to move over.
If you see someone walking towards you on a path, do you instantly jump out of their way while saying “I’m sorry”? No, I thought not, but why do it to me? What are you sorry for? Are you sorry that 2 people are trying to use the same bit of path but one happens to be on wheels while the other using feet. What’s to be sorry about? Oh, are you sorry because I’m using wheels? Are you making an assumption about why I’m in a chair and not walking, like I somehow have it worse than you because you think the only way to get about it by using legs.
When walking around, are you so oblivious to your surroundings that you are constantly running into people? What makes the difference when you see someone in a wheelchair? Are you apologising to me for your existence, or mine? Are you saying sorry because you think you are in my way? Have i indicated this? Have I asked you to move or make room for me? Probably not, so why apologise to me.
Please can I ask one thing?, stop apologising to people in wheelchairs unless you have genuinely done something worth apologising for. Stop seeing a chair as a disadvantage but instead as a form of freedom, independence and something to be celebrated. Don’t say “I’m sorry” to someone in a wheelchair unless it’s genuinely needed. Say, “HEY – way to go!” Smile at the person, don’t pity the chair. Say “Good morning/ afternoon”etc. Treat them the same way you would like to be treated.
If you see me out and about, hi-five me, smile and say hello but don’t jump out of my way unless you are in imminent danger of me colliding with you!
This weekend was fun, it was an adventure, I got to see places I haven’t seen for a while because of my physical limitations, but it was not a time to pity me or feel sorry for me. I certainly don’t feel that way!
